NEW YORK — Masked poser Cecilia Munoz was relieved she didn’t have to pretend to know the words at a recent Turnstile show last Thursday…
TOMS RIVER, N.J. — Middle-schooler Gavin Dirnt caught up on the beloved HBO series “The Sopranos” by watching his Italian friend’s parents fight over the…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local straight edge man Hal Pemulis was arrested and booked into Douglas County Department of Corrections after kicking his fathers ass for…
SPOKANE, Wash. — An adorable bandana-clad dog seen frequenting the town skate park is rumored to be a human under a powerful curse from a…
PITTSBURGH — Local punk Sam Allister’s life built entirely on doing things out of spite for the extreme bitterness of this fucked world is actually…
DALLAS — Local white man Darrell Hargrove raised alarm bells yesterday after a traffic incident led experts to believe his mugshot may soon appear on…
WASHINGTON — Democratic members of the U.S. legislature announced today that, “Fuck it, we’re gonna lower the minimum wage,” following backlash from supporters frustrated by…
“Overall, a huge disappointment and not worth the money or hassle” You know what those are? Those are your last words, asshole. Yeah. You, Mister…
WEST LAWN, Penn. — A violent altercation in an IHOP parking lot yesterday between members of doom-metal band Savage Agnes was the closest thing the…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — Ofc. Michael Skolnyk opened fire on a grand jury yesterday after they figuratively slapped him on the wrist for his history of…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Local Lowe’s manager Darrell Winchester removed Slipknot percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan from the store again last week after he spent hours…
PONCA CITY, Okla. — Marcotte’s Market Grocery cashier Russell Lum took out all of his anger and stress on the mundane task of busting open…
PARIS — Auteur director Wes Anderson reportedly punched a hole into the drywall of his penthouse apartment last night after getting outbid on a Victorian-era…
WORLD 2 — The so-called “Angry Sun,” who has spent years scowling at people crossing the desert, is actually just disappointed and looking to start…
Some people climb rocks for fun. Others pass time crafting needlepoint creations. Still, others like to observe birds. This last group is a bunch of…