SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local drummer Murphy Hartly models his intense drum sound and out-of-control drinking problem after his idol, the deceased Led Zeppelin drummer…
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Local man Edward Berg brought his own microphone for last week’s noncompetitive “Tuesday Karaoke Night” at the Old Frog, setting off…
With the recent spate of heinous crimes committed by members of an esoteric online community, many people are beginning to wonder “What is an incel?”…
HAMMOND, Ind. — Noise musician Elaine McCulloch’s recent unemployment following her ungraceful exit from a line cook position at a local charcuterie pub is the…
Hey! It’s me, you know, from Twitter? Remember, earlier? I retweeted an article about climate change, you called me a “liberal virgin slut,” and then…
LANCASTER, Pa. — 25-year-old punk Ricky Lewis called a press conference on Friday to admit that he had lost his grasp on popular music well…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Use that Fire sign energy to call out anyone and everyone this week, Aries. It doesn’t have to make sense, or…
NEW YORK — Subway conductor Manny Tannenbaum’s formal request to “really pump up the overdrive” of his train’s PA system was approved early this morning…
Times are tough but during days such as these, anyone can be a light in the darkness. And of all the broken souls in need…
NASHVILLE — Following their long-awaited decision to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, Gibson Brands, Inc. has made clear its intentions to “maybe sell a…
All week my girlfriend has been telling me how I’m going to love this guy she knows: Tom. Well guess what? I fucking don’t. Tom…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Dennis Henderson has continually hit “next” in Spotify’s shuffle mode for the last two hours, and has vowed not to stop until…
ASBURY PARK, N.J. — Veteran punk band The Bouncing Souls announced they will embark on a massive 300-date tour later this year, consisting entirely of…
Breasts are one of the most fascinating and pragmatic features of the human body, performing a vital biological function with their life nourishing storage capacity.…
I Went Back in Time to Kill Hitler but He’s Already Dead in 1970 so Now I’m Just Really Into Cocaine
After 25 years of work, I finally completed my time machine. The years of sketching, measuring, assembling, and testing, the millions of dollars I sunk…