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Punk With Fresh Hand Tattoo Engages in Tense Stand-off With Stamp-Wielding Bouncer

RENO, Nev. — A tense stand-off between a grizzled bouncer armed with a rubber stamp and a punk nursing a brand-new hand tattoo held up the line last night for fans attending a Blood Vipers show at the Peach Room, frustrated sources confirmed.

“It’s bullshit, man — I go to shows and bars all the time without getting carded or stamped or anything,” said Lyle Cranston, cradling his hand with its vibrant teal-and-orange Phoenix tattoo close to his chest. “Plus, it’s 2019… isn’t it supposed to be the future? This pisspot of a venue should have fucking wristbands or something more advanced than ink on rubber. If he stamps me now, it could permanently alter my tattoo forever and make me look foolish.”

Due to Cranston’s refusal to allow a stamp to be placed on the back of his hand, the line for the venue stretched around the block, setting a record for the space. However, this achievement did nothing to assuage the tempers of those trapped in the queue.

“Is the point of the hand stamp to prove the guy paid? Because I’m not sure you could forget the dude with pus and blood dripping out of the top of his hand,” said unlucky patron Brett Brown. “I’m glad I’m not wearing a white shirt, because if that guy goes in the pit and swings his fist around, it’s going to look like you sat in the splash zone of a Gallagher show.”

Greg Barnes, the bouncer and a veteran of the venue and scene, was nonplussed by the encounter and had little patience for Cranston’s objections.

“No stamp, no show — it’s really that simple,” Barnes said from behind a disintegrating podium. “I’ve seen it all, so this wasn’t anything new to me: I noticed how swollen his hand was, and the rest of him was covered in tattoos, too… but I couldn’t let him in without a stamp. So after 25 minutes of bitching, I just nailed him on a blank spot right between the eyes and sent him inside.”

At press time, Cranston was overheard yelling at the bartender, insisting he was over 21 but his hands were too swollen and sore to reach into his pocket to grab his ID.

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