DALLAS — Local small aircraft pilot Skippy Barnes is supplementing his skywriting income with a clandestine, government-backed chemical-spraying side gig, high-level sources demanding anonymity confirmed.…
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Mattie Foster, known for her drunken outbursts at shows, is now simply loud and wasted at home due to Los…
Let me start by saying I love my quirky boyfriend. When we met he told me he had obsessive-compulsive disorder. He said OCD is a…
BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — A quarantined couple stuck in the same house under self-isolation since March ended their one-and-a-half year-long relationship after a grueling, tedious, and…
The Harry Potter series has produced some of the most popular and beloved epic novels and films in history. Likewise, Anal Cunt, beloved Massachusetts grindcore…
WASHINGTON — Governors from all 50 states agreed that shelter-in-place orders would firmly remain on your shitty band as the rest of the country sees…
NEW YORK — Local man Marc Ramsey has baked a life-size sourdough girlfriend to combat his quarantine-induced loneliness, concerned sources report. “When the pandemic first…
Negative self-talk is a dangerous cycle. Our thoughts affect our actions so when all our thoughts are negative, it can lead to destructive choices. For…
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — Local father Lucas Carroll is doing his best to homeschool his children during coronavirus stay-at-home orders, even though his area of…
CHICAGO — Freelance marketing writer Jim Podaski reportedly channeled his inner “Mad Men” protagonist Don Draper today for his latest blog post for Cheap Used…
CINCINNATI — Chronically unemployed local woman and semi-professional singer-songwriter Jody Salazar has no idea how to pay taxes on all the exposure she earned last…
I want my budding love life to be as exciting and effortless as my tuning of choice, open D. I’m thirsty for endless D, musically…
CHICAGO — Local goth Raven Stevens spent her entire savings on new clothes yesterday after an attempt to eat a powdered donut backfired catastrophically, a…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Last week, a local polycule reached its breaking point and spoke out on social media against the growing stereotype that polyamorous people…
MONTREAL — PornHub I.T. guy Dewey Palmer helped a fellow employee troubleshoot their malfunctioning computer this morning by suggesting they “jack the computer off, then…