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How to Replace Negative Self-Talk With Drunkenly Screaming at Your Mom

Negative self-talk is a dangerous cycle. Our thoughts affect our actions so when all our thoughts are negative, it can lead to destructive choices. For that reason alone, self-acceptance is an important part of developing healthy relationships with others. But until you get there, there’s one person you can always scream at and will still love you unconditionally: your mother.

She did the best she could but you’re still awful. So instead of wasting money on an expensive therapist, spend that money on a 24-pack of Natty Light and tell her all the ways she fucked up your childhood development.

There’s nothing more therapeutic than addressing the root cause of your problems. It’s debatable whether our lives are more influenced by nature or nurture but we’re about halfway through this case of Natty so let’s call it even and say your mother is to blame for both. She deserves this incoherent 2 am phone call rattling off all her mistakes.

Your inner critic may be the loudest voice in your head. But whose voice does it sound like? Probably your mother’s, nagging you to do your dishes or to close the door while taking a shit or to not drop out of college to write internet self-help articles.

It’s important to take responsibility for your actions, which is why your mom must bear your burdens. She brought you into this world so she should clean up the messes you have caused. If she has a problem with it, she can take it up with your grandmother.

 

But whatever you do, don’t call your dad while drunk. That’s disrespectful to the head of the household.

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