Have you ever tried to explain how crazy your ex was only to find out that the dude you’re hitting on at the bar is…
PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — 16-year-old Misty Lebowitz carelessly endangered her much, much older and immunocompromised pop-punk singer boyfriend Scotty McDickers yesterday when she defied New York’s…
“I LOVE LIVIN’ IN THE CITY!” Hell yeah. “FEAR” said it best in their comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live back in the 80s. They…
NEW YORK — National Guard Troops apprehended Iowa native and big-hearted dreamer Elieen Denham yesterday, dive-tackling her in front of Radio City Music Hall in…
Our nation is facing the great task of slowing the spread of coronavirus, and many Americans are frightened. Why, I spoke to a man this…
MIAMI — Proto-punk legend Iggy Pop removed the torso section from his hazmat suit yesterday, designed to protect the aging rocker from contracting COVID-19, concerned…
Audience Shocked after “Masked Singer” Revealed to be Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan
Audience Shocked after “Masked Singer” Revealed to be Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan
LOS ANGELES — “The Masked Singer” fans were shocked last night when the sassy, playful, incognito contestant Mr. Monster was revealed to be former Chairman…
LOS ANGELES — Quarantined Los Angelino Freddy Garcia has spent a majority of his COVID-19 isolation time pleasuring himself to the unusually green Google Maps…
As a proud member of the alt-right (and recent college graduate with a degree in English Literature thank you very much), I understand that most…
PHILADELPHIA — Outspoken supporters of Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden, known as “Biden Bros,” are reportedly harassing potential voters via handwritten letters sent through the…
When coronavirus first reared it’s ugly, highly-contagious head, you panicked and started hoarding as many home essentials as you could get your greedy, obsessively-washed hands…
AUSTIN, Texas — Social media marketing manager Anthony Skipper forwarded a complaint about his tortimese housecat Nickels moments ago to his HR rep, Sassafras, who…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — The cam girl you’ve been throwing money at when you should have been working from home is “probably about $1,000 or…
With the increase of social distancing amidst the coronavirus crisis, it is truly the perfect time to self-care, which also makes it the perfect time…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — A heavily discounted DVD of the Steve Carell vehicle “Evan Almighty” is “really fucking pushing it” by having the audacity to call…