PITTSBURGH — In an act of intense rage, local toddler Timmy “TJ” Orosco, Jr. set fire to his tiny pajamas which were adorned with characters…
LOS ANGELES — Following days of demonstration in the streets, Los Angeles mayor Eric Garcetti instituted a curfew for 30 minutes ago, effective immediately, multiple…
LOS ANGELES — Racism made a shocking comeback today after it was previously believed defeated by the Blackout Tuesday social media campaign yesterday, according to…
DALLAS — White liberal and exhausted local ally, Sonya Neptin, is wondering how many tweets they have to write before racism is finally cancelled, sources…
Imagine if you will: a cold, unfeeling machine with a badge and a gun. A law enforcement automaton incapable of reason or compromise. Driven by…
NEW YORK — Police horse Tiny Dancer, a member of the NYPD Mounted Unit, remains completely unaware that trampling protesters advocating for racial justice and…
Last night I went to the first gathering I’ve been to in the months and it was amazing! Everyone there had the same energy and…
NEW YORK — Local undercover cop Daniel Cleary accidentally revealed himself as law enforcement during the protests surrounding the murder of George Floyd at the…
This past week we all watched as executive chef Jeff Tray was eliminated from the hit Food Network show “Chopped” after the dimwit attempted to…
LOS ANGELES — Human remains discovered in a shallow grave in Angeles Forest yesterday were identified as those of legendary skateboarding pioneer Won-Ton “Animal” Chin,…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local conspiracy theorist Vinnie Logano discovered a secret plot yesterday to kick him out of the “BFF Forever” group chat, according to…
Today I was slated to have an in-depth discussion with a Minneapolis police officer about the situation on the ground and how he feels about…
AKRON, Ohio — Local cop Officer Ryan Kowalcyzk admitted he is having a tough time separating the assault he commits at work from the assault…
Communication is the key to a successful relationship. Without healthy, reciprocal communication every disagreement is at risk of turning into an argument. With poor communication,…
WASHINGTON — President Trump’s experimental use of the anti-malarial drug Hydroxychloroquine has transformed the Commander-in-Chief from a boorish, morbidly obese, whiny turd into the suave…