WASHINGTON — Pro-life fundamentalists are rejoicing today after controversial Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett was officially confirmed to the judiciary, sources wondering what it…
Everyone at my middle school knows the story of “Gus the Gouger,” the creepy old janitor that lures children into the boiler room and gouges…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — Ofc. Michael Skolnyk opened fire on a grand jury yesterday after they figuratively slapped him on the wrist for his history of…
Hey bros. We all know it’s okay to get out there in the pit and kick some ass. But some of us don’t know that…
SEATTLE — Perpetually single man Conner Turner ruined a promising first date last Friday when he brought up the infamous Norwegian Black Metal one-man solo…
Coward Hour is the least-informed podcast in America. Each week, leading cowards/disgraced comedians Brendan Krick & Nik Oldershaw spiral on mic, commit gaffes, and descend…
CICERO, Ill. — Underpaid Target cashier and generally exhausted person Paolo Morte is considering getting into stealing goods from his place of employment after realizing…
PARKER, Colo. — Middle-aged CPA Ken Feeney has no idea what to think today after MTV enthusiastically responded to a “humiliating” and “stomach-churning” audition tape…
STEVENS POINT, Wisc. — Undecided voters across the U.S. are racking their brains this week trying to decide whether to burn crosses or simply nail…
Okay, let’s cut right down to business here. Is this divorce hearing BYOB, open bar, or, (ugh) a cash bar? It’s not a big deal…
BAYAMÓN, Puerto Rico — At the Drive-In and The Mars Volta guitarist Omar Rodríguez-López created and released an entire 49-minute prog-punk album in mere seconds…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local woman Denise Giorgeschi was “utterly shocked” yesterday after finding an mp3 file of AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” downloaded…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Local Lowe’s manager Darrell Winchester removed Slipknot percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan from the store again last week after he spent hours…
NORFOLK, Va. — An extremely organized right wing terrorist group known as the “Norfolk Police Department” held an annual fundraising event yesterday to procure more…
Fellas. Have you ever been in a situation where she just wasn’t feeling your flirtatious advances? Me neither. Evidently, it’s because I completely misinterpret every…