It seems like just yesterday those Trump-loving, dumbass crybaby MAGA bitches were clogging up my Facebook feed with racist propaganda, Ronn Swanson memes, and boastful…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Dominique Martin was pleased to discover today that her total credit score was nine, believing this to be a good score…
Well apparently it’s “where we go one, we go alone” for me. Somehow, while my back was turned, my wife Linda became compromised by agents…
CLEVELAND — Local man Ryan Kaufman salvaged the majority of his unused best man speech yesterday after adding some minor edits to instead eulogize his…
Fuck Joe Biden. Plain and simple. Who does that commie bastard think he is trying to raise taxes on blue-collar workers like me? Sure, I…
DALLAS — Residents of the local punk house The Lincoln Memorial learned yesterday that the white noise machine they thought they’ve been using for the…
Coward Hour is the least-informed podcast in America. Each week, leading cowards/disgraced comedians Brendan Krick & Nik Oldershaw spiral on mic, commit gaffes, and descend…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local sandwich artist Allison Kim’s spacious, work-issued polo shirt did little to block a well-known customer’s intense, sexually-charged leer, according to uncomfortable…
HILL VALLEY, Calif. — Marty McFly admitted today that he now mostly uses his time machine to go back in 12-hour intervals and stop himself…
HANOVER, Pa. — Local Nazi, Kyle Rumbley, is unsure how to tell his family he voted for Joe Biden after Pennsylvania flipped blue, ultimately securing…
Let me get one thing straight. This may be a punk house, but we’re upper-crust-punks. Whatever I offer my guests is of a caliber so…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local pop-punk group Dorm Room Philosophers reportedly fought over songwriting technique yesterday while recording their new album, accusing guitarist Trey Adams of…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Quarantined suitor Gabe Dawson canceled his highly anticipated Zoom date with “hot barista Dylan” last night after spending 45 minutes as…
ATLANTA — Adam Hansen, the lead vocalist of death metal band Corpse Licker and best known for his flowing locks and grimly haunting aesthetic, was…
PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. -— Former Vice President Dan Quayle has reportedly contracted the novel Coronavirus “COVIDE-19,” according to Quayle’s medical records. “Mr. Quayle checked in…