Press "Enter" to skip to content

Opinion: I’m Socially Punk but Fiscally Poser

Those of us who straddle the line between punk and poser have a difficult time finding a place within the scene. I’m open-minded enough to see that there are benefits to both poser and punk ways of life.

Of course, I create radical zines with my friends where we teach people practical ways to shoplift from corporations. I may pay to have them printed through Barnes and Noble’s printing press, but their online store is just convenient and, with their discounts, it’s basically a steal!

But, look, I live in a punk house with five of my most trusted comrades. With like six dudes living there, it’s bound to get gross, so I have a housekeeper come every two weeks. By the way, I’d appreciate it if you used that copy of “The Anarchist Cookbook” as a coaster—Pottery Barn isn’t exactly cheap!

Also, it goes without saying but fuck 12, ACAB, etc. Every individual who participates in the institution of policing is responsible for modern-day slavery. Except for my dad who is one of the good ones because he bankrolls my lifestyle so he’s actually taking down the system from the inside when you think about it! Don’t tell him that though.

I may be generationally wealthy, but some of my best friends can’t even afford basic necessary medical care so I get it. I’m just a little wary of overthrowing corrupt systems because it might affect my ability to retire.

At the end of the day, I would never sell out. Sure, I may work for Sony Music Entertainment as a marketing representative to Amazon, but, like, fuck Bezos. The last time I was on one of his yachts for the holiday party, I threw a lobster roll through a window.

So I’ll leave you with these final questions: Are people not allowed to be complex? Is my band not punk just because I paid Timbaland to produce our latest single? Is my molotov cocktail any less effective because I use the bottle of my 18-year sherry barrel single malt scotch?