LOS ANGELES — Popular musical act Alvin and the Chipmunks are seeking a new frontman this week following the death of their previous lead vocalist,…
Oh yeah, I remember Skyler. God, I couldn’t stand that dude. He was always blocking me from getting into my locker and fucking with my…
SAN DIEGO — An acquaintance from high school was wondering today if you’d be interested in a really cool opportunity to do some of the…
For many, the road to recovery is a long, harrowing journey down a path paved in the stones from their rock bottom. Mantras are repeated,…
SAYREVILLE, N.J. — New Jersey punk band PornDotCom has been struggling to tow the line between defying expectations of the mainstream and having favorable results…
HELL, Mich. — Instagram user and avid pornography viewer Eric Stafford found himself more embarrassed yesterday by his Instagram search history than his porn viewing…
CLEVELAND — Local metalhead and father Bruce Howardt could not teach his son the simple basics of shaving yesterday due to his relative inexperience with…
EUGENE, Ore. — Tearful members of the Whiteaker Neighborhood Association determined through contentions debate yesterday that the common protest refrain “ACAB,” standing for “All Cops…
Lately, it feels like all my friends and family judge me for dating in quarantine. They take it as a sign that I’m not treating…
MINNEAPOLIS — ‘90s alternative music darlings Marcy Playground revealed yesterday that their hit song “Sex and Candy” was more specifically about anal sex and candy…
Just as music fans argue about genre classifications, foodies debate cuisines. And there is no cuisine more abstract than that which goes by the name…
TURNERSVILLE, N.J. — Teenage cannabis user Jared Luzinski was astonished to discover yesterday that ancient human beings once used fire to smoke, baffled sources confirmed.…
Venerated slumlord and accomplished kleptocrat Jared Kushner is a busy man. When he’s not leading the federal government’s lack of response to a raging, totally…
LOS ANGELES — Indie powerhouse Phoebe Bridgers surprised fans yesterday by uploading a somber rendition of your grandmother’s most private final moments to Bandcamp at…
BROOKINGS, S.D. — Professional carpenter and terrible navigator Trevor Grainger is already beginning to regret allowing his overwhelming hubris to lead him to switch off…