JONESBORO, Ark. — Local burnout Declan Goddard finally achieved his long-term goal of securing a “sort of funny” and “only a little sad” credit score…
I used to be one of those metal kids who thought it was cool to piss off your parents by blasting ungodly music at even…
RIO RANCHO, N.M. — A single song by prog-rock legends Rush was mistaken for an entire prog-rock album by radio listener Melissa Chavez, according to…
SHERMER, Ill. — A heavily scripted and complex romantic gesture made by local man Chase Stratford last week reportedly swept one young woman off her…
MADISON, Wisc. — Derek Carlson surprised his girlfriend Jessica Kravtsova today with the gift of allowing her to make all of the couple’s Valentine’s Day…
Listen, you all can celebrate Bullet for My Valentine until your hearts melt, but just know that you’re being manipulated by the greeting card industry.…
MIAMI — Local holiday and generally despised time of the year, Valentine’s Day, is determined to absolutely destroy one of the few relationships that’s somehow…
It’s fine. I am telling you it’s fine. If it will make you feel better I will already do it first. I mean I haven’t…
ST. LOUIS — Local man Brian Dorney’s Valentine’s Day preparations allegedly revolve exclusively around convincing his girlfriend that 1988 classic action movie “Die Hard” is…
UNKNOWN — Survivors of Icelandair Flight 198, which crashed somewhere deep in the Arctic tundra last week, lauded vegan survivor Michael Hagen’s unwillingness to sacrifice…
Well, this is frustrating. I’m trying to leave a comment indicating that I think this Primus video sucks, but these idiots replying are taking it…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Aging punk and generally anxious person in a Misfits T-shirt Hollie Wallace parked super far away from teenagers hanging out at a…
No band associated with the riot grrrl movement found more popularity in the mainstream than Sleater-Kinney. And no haircut says “Sleater-Kinney is a Top 3…
BETHESDA, Md. — “Duplicitous catfisher” and clearly regular homo sapien Colleen Jansen disappointed prospective love match Dominic Sabatino yesterday after proclaiming to be a “horse…
I’m a simple man. Too simple, arguably. My life is all about family, church, and baseball. Gosh, I love baseball. It’s been my dream to…