WASHINGTON — Democratic members of the U.S. legislature announced today that, “Fuck it, we’re gonna lower the minimum wage,” following backlash from supporters frustrated by…
The big music publications are scared. No one clicks on articles anymore except for clickbait-y Top 100 lists. They would all go out of business…
SANDUSKY, Ohio — The Pop Punk Diocese of Ohio is facing a wave of criticism following the transfer of a frontman who faced multiple accusations…
CHICAGO — Local metalhead, avid corpse paint donner and frequent leather pants wearer Zachary Petrosyan is reportedly fed up with constantly being mistaken for a…
Every morning, I wake up and lay in bed, thinking about how my day is going to go while listening to the birds sing their…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Members of notorious local punk house “Dish Pitt” finally found disappeared roommate Jon “Scuzzy” Baker last week when they began their every-other-two-years…
ST. LOUIS — Local man who is living with functional depression, Dan Sousa, surprised exactly no one after it was learned that he can’t even…
PRESCOTT, Ariz. — FBI Agent Dan Trolley defused a tense standoff with local police over the jurisdiction of a crime scene with a well-timed racist…
Look, some things are just set in stone. 2 + 2 = 4. “I” before “E” except after “C.” Flu shots cause irreversible testicular torsion…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — Metalcore band Her Empty Lungs have yet to replicate the success of their Lady Gaga “Poker Face” cover included on a…
FARMINGTON, N.M. — Local man Derek Romero received the disappointment of a lifetime after the metal band he had devoted nearly two minutes of his…
DRAG KINGDOM — The tyrannical Drag Queen known as Cleo Fabtra was overthrown in an absolutely fabulous revolution by drag peasants yesterday who were fed…
Cultural sensibilities change and evolve over time. In our current cultural climate there are just certain things you could get away with on television in…
BERLIN — A group of punks and aspiring assassins traveled eighty years back in time only to fail in their attempt to kill Adolph Hitler…
LANGHORNE, Pa. — Local clueless friend Jordan Schmidt overlooked the lifelong trauma of being dumped in the smelly black hole of a Denny’s parking lot…