Halloween is fucking poser shit and it’s about time somebody said it. We go around acting like it’s the scariest day of the year when…
SEATTLE — Local punk Brock Riley admits that he yearns for days when he could spread every illness under the sun to his friends without…
There was a time before social media when art was expected to have substance, and music could be a vehicle for real change. Rage Against…
MIAMI — A small group of 19th Century time travelers is reportedly very disappointed with the lack of readily available cocaine in modern times, according…
IRVINE, Calif. — Giddy Zillow executives announced in a Facebook post Tuesday morning that they were the proud owners of their 643rd home in one…
This month, millions of Americans will travel to see their families for Thanksgiving. But for those of us on the front lines in the war…
DULUTH, Minn. — Professional sound technician Greg Thornton released an exasperated and rambling statement confirming that he also doesn’t understand why his presence would be…
Thanksgiving: the most quintessentially American of all holidays. More than Christmas, more than the Fourth of July, even more than Toyotathon, Americans consider Thanksgiving to…
ATLANTA — A terrified passenger aboard flight 1894 to Portland expressed slight relief today in noting that the creature on the wing of his plane…
Covid has killed over 700 thousand Americans since the beginning of 2020. Unfortunately, my beloved uncle Lee became another statistic last night. I appreciate the…
GARY, Ind. — Local jam band Welcome Back Emmett Otter increasingly wishes that someone in the audience of The Jackawolf would tell them when the…
AUBURN HILLS, Mi. — Major US automotive company Chrysler announced that its new 2022 line of vehicles were as big as a whale, and fully…
HOMEWOOD, Ill. — First responders are attempting to reach a group of fathers that became stuck when a local man-cave weakened and toppled around them…
Classic rock is so canonized in our hearts, minds and hour-long Rock Blocks on FM radio that it’s easy to forget they didn’t come from…
CHICAGO — Local young couple Brandon Brentwood and Jade Long discovered that Long’s grandmother is just trying way too hard after going through her vinyl…