BUFFALO, N.Y. — Crust-punk presidential candidate Leo “Swamp” Marsh revealed plans today to slash employment opportunities during an impassioned campaign speech held in vacant hotel…
180 search results for “"crust punk"”
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local crust punk Zachary Kaiser was seen asking patrons on the patio of Inkwell Cafe if they were planning on eating their…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local crust punk Chris Spencer gathered his belongings from the Trash Compactor, a Northeast Minneapolis punk squat, and left by train for a…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local crust punk Ben “Diggz” Cooper asserts that the steady drip of a window-mounted air conditioner he stood under for 15 seconds…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local crust punk David Wong firmly believes that “corporations are an evil plague on society,” which is why he only dumpster dives…
I don’t understand how I got burned like this! I put everything I had into this cult so I could take everything my followers had…
NEW YORK — New York Police Department officers deployed Axe Body Spray in order to disperse a group of crust punk protesters after what they called…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local crust punk Skye Mathtison is leaning hard into self-help culture for 2024, pinning pictures of his deepest desires of the dirtiest…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. – Last week UC Santa Cruz Entomologist Sara Springer shocked the science community by discovering a new species of louse that has…
SUITLAND, Md. — The United States Census Bureau issued a sharp reminder to crust punks today to stop counting wild animals such as raccoons as…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly good toilet merely after urinating…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local crust punk Brad Garnett has taken his vegan activism to the next level, adopting a 100 percent vegan, plant-based dog. The…
Crust punks communicate non-verbally in a way that is difficult for “sheeple” to comprehend, so we asked Dr. Malcolm Henderson and his team at the University…
EUGENE, Ore. — Michael “Skunk” Stinson, a father, husband and drummer for longstanding D-beat band Dis-Sheveled and proud advocate for responsible bullet belt ownership, announced…
NEW YORK — Vagabond crust punk Sheri “Tick Bite” Rowland was spotted outside of the Bowery Whole Foods store begging shoppers for “just $15 to…
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