They encompass all backgrounds, all religions, all ages over 14. These findings are revolutionizing what we know about anthropology and culture at large. We surveyed…
DETROIT — Local metalhead, 36-year-old Denny Brokum, is reportedly willing to admit that he hasn’t heard of the band Scatological Wasteland but is confident that…
PEMBROKE, N.H. — Local crackpot Denise Bemis recently hit a roadblock in her conspiratorial ramblings when she began trying to comprehend how the USDA Food…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Singer/songwriter Joan Schuller is back in the studio after a 12-year hiatus making what sources excitedly report to be the worst album…
You’ve waited for what feels like hours. Your mouth is watering. Your nose smells the moist warmth of the starchy tuber. It’s finally time to…
SEATTLE — Local man Troy Ritter announced his departure as the longtime merch guy for indie band Inside Cat to embark on a solo merch…
MILAN, Italy — The incorporeal specter that has haunted the historic La Scala opera house for more than two centuries recently came to accept the…
AUBURN, Maine — Local resident Charles Brennan’s screen door proved to be an effective way to measure the sobriety of guests at his house party…
Okay, I’ll only admit it, I only got this tattoo because I want people to ask me about it. Just thinking about the flood of…
ENON, Ohio — Musician and fry cook, Cody Landon, has grown weary of being called “Rock Star” at his place of employment after his coworkers…
Whether we’re judging how attractive young starlets look in designer gowns, or celebrating white people profiting off the talent of Black musicians, there is always…
Welcome to the simulation. For some time now people have noticed what appear to be glitches in the timeline, inconsistencies between hard copy media and…
BUTLER, Pa. — Local lesbian Katie Hargrove recently came to the horrifying realization that she is becoming her father, sources currently standing at her window…
It seems like every passing year the line between what is and is not punk becomes murkier, so I want to draw a line in…
HOUSTON — Local punk Colin “Colonic” Birch continues to refer to his parents’ guest house, a two-bedroom A-frame with pool access where he has lived…