I woke up today and saw pictures from last night of your shitty band playing at a shitty venue in front of a small, shitty…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local punk Kenny Holmes offered to introduce Fannie Lane, the singer of Fannie and the Road Bandits, to her fellow members of…
Uh oh guys, looks like dad’s had it up to here with our youthful, early 2000s pop-punk hi-jinks. Look at this freaking guy. Just glaring…
PHILADELPHIA — Local anarchist punk band Hidden Rebellion discovered yesterday that every member of the group is actually an FBI plant, shadowy sources confirmed. “Our…
MACON, Ga. — Local diner and well-known “disgusting shithole” Rocky’s Grill has reportedly been hosting local punk rock shows at night in what’s being called…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Show organizer Nora King was forced to rely on her do-it-yourself ethos again moments ago to have an orgasm, after her casual…
LOS ANGELES — Filming of reality game show “Fear Factor” came to a halt yesterday afternoon when self-proclaimed “punk as fuck” contestant Charles Edgarton would…
COLUMBUS — Local man Louis Contreras enthusiastically noted Monday morning that a man wearing a Turnstile T-shirt was in the background of a breaking news…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local punk and notorious overthinker Ben Handley was relieved last night to attend a show so loud, he couldn’t even hear…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local prankster Tyler Russell got more than he was prepared for yesterday afternoon when an attempted prank call to punk rock icon…