I despise popular music. I frequently make it known that I exclusively listen to bands that are so obscure, they aren’t even on Spotify or…
POCATELLO, Idaho — Local punk Tyler Christensen was purged from the punk community after it was discovered that he had been approved for a Discover…
SAN FRANCISCO — Retired senior citizen Roger Jenkins completely lost touch with the youth in his community by falling behind on their newly appropriated lingo,…
BALTIMORE — Local punk and wannabe anarchist Kevin Tomlin was upset to discover being an anarchist would require community involvement and not just make him…
COLUMBIA, S.C. — Local band and 1996 American Music Awards “Favorite Adult Contemporary Artist” nominee Hootie and the Blowfish released a statement yesterday identifying the…
NAMPA, Idaho — A punk house dispute over fixing a carbon monoxide detector was abruptly resolved after every single resident passed out at once, lightheaded…
SEATTLE — Aging punk Tia Cantor was reportedly thrilled with the “life changing” new shoe inserts she received as a 40th birthday present, sources confirmed.…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local Vampire Weekend fan Archie Poole felt betrayed, confused, and saddened this week after hearing the music of his so-called “favorite band”…
MINNEAPOLIS — 1994’s “Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal” Grammy nominee Soul Asylum announced that they never actually disbanded in case…
STOCKHOLM — Music streaming service Spotify announced late yesterday morning that it will replace the “Discover New Music” tab with the more comforting “Play the…
To me, passion is the most important part of a relationship. At the beginning of a relationship, it’s passion that makes you feel on top…
MADISON, Wis. — 14-year-old nu metal fan and novice Boy Scout Calvin Nelson is reportedly only interested in learning about the slipknot, frustrated sources confirmed.…
OURAY, Col. — Researchers at the Ouray Audiology Research Facility were equally thrilled and confused that a recently discovered Gregorian chant from 1592 somehow has…
LOS ANGELES — Veteran musician and Alkaline Trio founder Matt Skiba reportedly wishes he hadn’t gotten a prominent tattoo of his former band when he…
VANCOUVER — Nu-metal fan and dedicated JNCO jeans wearer Chad Willis was the only surviving passenger of a plane crash that left 85 dead after…