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We Tried to Interview Eminem but Then Our Mom Said We Weren’t Allowed To Listen to Him

Eminem is a huge figure in the rap game who is known for his impressive freestyle skills and brutally earnest lyrics. He has also attracted his fair share of controversy for his vulgarity and no-fucks-given attitude. For this reason, our mom interrupted our interview to tell us we weren’t allowed to listen to him.

The Hard Times: A pleasure to meet you Mr. Mathers. I’m glad you decided to meet with us today.

Eminem: Please, call me “Em.” But yes, I’m happy to be here. And let me say…

Our mom: I can’t believe you are deliberately disobeying my orders!

Mom?! What are you doing?? I’m trying to conduct an interview right now.

Yes, with Eminem, whom I explicitly told you that you weren’t allowed to listen to. Emphasis on explicit. His music is filled with naughty words and anti-mom hatespeak. It’s not appropriate.

I mean, maybe when I was 12 when you first told me that. But I’m 30 now and I can tell the difference between reality and entertainment. Plus, he’s not talking about all moms. Just his.

Well how do I know he won’t rub off on you and then you’ll start to hate me? Maybe that’s why you never visit or call to check on your mother. When do I get a grandchild? You don’t love me.

Mom, please. Of course I love you. Look, can we do this later?

Fine. But wait until your father hears about this.

I’m sorry about that, Em. You know how mothers can be.

My mom used to make me fake sick so she could score drugs so, no, not exactly. Do you even listen to my music?

Oh right. Do you still want to do this interview?

Do you want to lick my ball sack?

Classic Em. Still got it.