Let’s face it. Complaining online about new Weezer material is just part of the human experience. It usually occurs between early and middle adulthood, according…
EUGENE, Ore. — Ska/swing revival band Cherry Poppin’ Daddies shared a long-awaited apology accepting blame for their whole deal, including, but not limited to, their…
DALLAS — Rhythm guitarist and craft beer connoisseur Kirk Tenly reportedly hasn’t seen his own pedalboard since the late 2000s due to his protruding stomach,…
NEW HOPE, Pa. — Local straight man Scott Stevenson was spotted acting weirdly jealous around lesbian woman and acquaintance at best, Samantha Rux, at a…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Progressive metal band Knight Vision announced they are accepting applications from medieval studies majors for a summer internship offering practical application of…
Studies show pets often take on the characteristics and habits of their owners. Okay, well if that’s true, then my cat Fruit Punch should appreciate…
SASKATOON — Violence nearly erupted following an argument between a local Canadian and a visiting metalhead over the cultural origins of the denim vest, moderately…
RIDGEWOOD, N.Y. — Local creep Lance Weems narrowly squeezed past two women at a limited capacity venue last night despite having plenty of walking room…
Everybody just be cool, okay?! The doors are locked and chained from the outside, and nobody is leaving this blackbox venue until you all get…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local tattoo enthusiast Ben Drury admitted that the meaning behind a large tattoo of a viking skeleton throwing a fireball currently being…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local show promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham recently posted a photo to Instagram that showed him pocketing cash stolen from a band he…
LOS ANGELES — A recording of The Dooley’s frontman Jason Delahunt screaming at his bandmates is slated to appear on the final cut of their…
LAS VEGAS — Guitar Zone manager Ian Potts experienced a sudden onset of post-traumatic stress disorder caused by hearing a perfect cacophony of loud, amateur…
MIAMI — Famed guitar wizard Yngwie Malmsteen revealed that his biggest musical influence as a precocious axe shredder was none other than himself and absolutely…
Internet Can’t Fucking Wait to Push Newly Famous Artist to Psychological Ruin
SEATTLE, WA — Internet commentators and online communities announced this morning that they are “fucking stoked” to push recently famous musician Hank Todd past the…