BALTIMORE — Friends of local mom-to-be Vivian Wilburg have been taking advantage of her mandatory sobriety and using her as a designated driver since her…
HENDERSON, Nev. — Local goth Amarantha Obsidian blew her entire October grocery budget on novelty Halloween socks from Spirit Halloween Store, shocked friends and family…
COLTS NECK TOWNSHIP, N.J. — Legendary musician Bruce Springsteen recently admitted that he made up the “American working class” during a creative dry spell. “By…
NEW YORK — Local musician Kelly Evans fell victim to the age-old compliment decoy trap when a man quickly pivoted to unsolicited advice after complimenting…
LONDON — Longtime royal and purveyor of British tradition Queen Elizabeth could not recall at what point in her life she knighted American rapper and…
NEPTUNE, N.J. — Local supermarket cashier and goth Trish Sommers filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against her employer after her PTO request for Halloween was…
NEW PALTZ, N.Y. — 62-year-old Larry Dang’s intensely positive description of a Rush show he attended in 1983 suggests that he is suffering from Stockholm…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Members of crust funk band the Salt Garglers were desperately trying to repurchase their impounded econoline van at a civil forfeiture auction…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local trumpeter Danielle “Dani Blows” Garcia is anxiously anticipating a ska revival, spontaneous parade, Herb Alpert lookalike concert, or “maybe somebody can…
BALTIMORE — Surgeons at Johns Hopkins Medical Center recently performed the first successful procedure to physiologically affix classic rock fan Denny Clainsborough’s girlfriend, Jill, atop…
CHICAGO — Local recovering alcoholic Patrick Tolleridge is now expressing deep remorse for his past jukebox selections since getting sober, according to sources. “When I…
LOS ANGELES — The Red Hot Chili Peppers shocked jurors and courtroom personnel at the California State Court House on Thursday by replacing the famous…
SAN FRANCISCO — Big-city punk Oliver Lewis recently got the name of his hometown, “Kingston,” tattooed across his stomach despite not visiting the Massachusetts town…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local punk Matthew Verne reportedly suffered an immense financial loss after his mother repurposed over $26,000 worth of old band shirts into…
SAINT PAUL, Minn. — 37-year-old punk Ronald “Buckets” Drearer grossly exaggerated how much alcohol he regularly consumes in order to seem cooler during a recent…