SAN DIEGO — Local alcoholic Jerry Tatum announced plans to somehow ruin his niece’s wedding later tonight with his drunk and disorderly antics, despite the…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local music critic and Spotify free user Jill Nesbitt named “Get in the Zone – Autozone” as the best song of 2018…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Tortured Metaphor merch guy and badass road-warrior Todd Sanderson was quite clear last night that he has no authority whatsoever to…
VISTA, Calif. — The discovery of a 19th use for Dr. Bronner’s All-One hemp castile soap has members of the company going absolutely mad with…
Like me, you’ve probably been told that millennials are too busy vaping, eating ass, and razing entire industries to the ground and salting the earth…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local uninsured and ailing man Jordan Cohen announced today that he will “just give it a few more days” before seeking any…
BRIDGEWATER, Mass. — Your coolest cousin and basically “big brother” from ages 4-13, Donnie McGee, was finally released from prison earlier today, not-so-excited sources confirmed.…
WEST SENECA, N.Y. — Legendary crust punk Selma “Pusbubble” Gormin shocked her friends and fellow squatters this morning, announcing that she was “sick of this…
BARRE, Vt. — The small, tight-knit Barre hardcore community announced last week the arrival of the first openly gay member of their underground music scene,…
AURORA, Ill. — The frontman of Jewish punk band The Oi! Veys got a tattoo last week of an upside-down Star of David to express…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Members of the Tempe punk music scene attempted an ill-advised DIY blood drive last night, accidentally killing four beloved scene veterans, shocked…
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — Detroit hardcore band Strength of Olympus implemented a new space and cost-saving measure during their most recent tour, printing just one…
NEW YORK — Popular review website GearJam.com “said goood bye to there steemed copyeditor” Devin Warren last month due to falling ad revenue from Facebook’s…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local punk Kenny Holmes offered to introduce Fannie Lane, the singer of Fannie and the Road Bandits, to her fellow members of…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — A flask tucked into the waistband of local man Jason Lambert successfully found its way into a small venue last night after…