SOUTH BEND, Ind. — Mayor Pete Buttigieg today became the first Democratic Presidential contender to release a decade’s worth of concert ticket stubs, following overwhelming public demand.
“Mayor Pete is very proud of the range of live music he’s seen — he’s a man of the people, which is why almost all of his ticket stubs are general admittance,” said Buttigieg’s campaign manager Mike Schmuhl in a statement. “We hope other candidates will be as transparent about their concert-going activities. It’s a good way to find carpool buddies.”
Records show Buttigieg attended 95 concerts over the past 10 years, ranging from acts like Lauryn Hill to Sleep.
“It’s the golden age of concerts: bands are playing our favorite albums in full, tours are stacked top to bottom with great acts… and I don’t even have to mention how great the underground rock scene here is in South Bend,” said Buttigieg at a campaign rally. “But I won’t stop seeing live music when I make it to the White House — in fact, my first order as President will be mandating a Rage Against the Machine reunion. And you better believe I’ll be front row. ”
Other 2020 Democratic contenders have yet to release their ticket stubs, and indeed, some are resistant to the idea.
“I understand Buttigieg is looking for something to brag about… and he does have some impressive concerts under his belt,” said fellow Presidential hopeful Steve Bullock. “But just because a candidate doesn’t release their ticket stubs doesn’t mean they haven’t seen some badass shows — some of the best venues just stamp your hand or give you a wristband. Really, we should be discussing tour T-shirts as a metric for coolness here.”
Sadly, revealing Presidential ticket stubs may fall flat when it comes to the current occupant of the White House.
“Our records show Donald Trump has never attended concerts in any meaningful way,” said political concert analyst Stephen Ramos. “He claims he can’t release his stubs because of an ‘ongoing audit,’ but we all know if Trump actually went to a concert, he’d be one of those assholes who doesn’t shut up the whole time and makes out with his wife during a song about the singer’s sister’s death.”
At press time, fellow Democratic contender Elizabeth Warren was seen rummaging through her garage for an autographed Radiohead backstage laminate.