STOCKTON, Calif. — Tensions mounted on Thursday as the burrito you were about to eat on your lunch break was named the “Official Burrito of…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local fan Brandon Pope’s merch booth conversation with members of touring band Ghost Summit got awkward at least 30 seconds ago, according…
ALLSTON, Mass. — A record-breaking number of millennials are joining multiple bands at a time to try to cover their daily expenses with little to…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Some astrologists say Aries are confrontational, but we say that’s fucking bullshit. Someone needs to tell everyone what posers…
Cracker. Honky. Whitey. Redneck. These are among the many terms that aren’t racist because it’s impossible to be racist to white people. Racism is a…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Roommates at punk/party house the Snake Pit are reportedly growing alarmed by the complete lack of water intake by fellow resident…
Let’s get one thing straight- my rifle collection could defend a small country. I could wipe out my entire town’s police force if they even…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local woman Maria Phillips narrowly escaped embarrassment yesterday when she convinced visitors that the sex toy she accidentally left out was actually…
Romance is dead and millennials killed it. Gone are the days of excitement, spontaneity, and fidelity. Instead, the “me me me” generation seeks out instant…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Local stoner Zannah Meyers concluded that the weed she smoked this afternoon must be “extremely shitty,” after a near-hour of puffing resulted…
ALLSTON, Mass. — Local musician Doug Robinson attempted to borrow a bassoon last night for his set with folk-punk octet Rat Solidarity, assuming one of…
ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Local parents Joyce and Rich Gloppin have severely overestimated their 9th-grade daughter Dani’s social standing and ability to obtain illicit, cool drugs,…
We are living in a golden age of suffering. My generation has filled too long the goblet of misery and now our cup runneth over.…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Uniformed Missoula Police officers David McClusky and Gerald Schmidt arrived 15 minutes before the opening act at the unlicensed venue The Gnarhouse…
Concert Video Blocked by Tall YouTube Comment
LOS ANGELES — Music aficionado and noted short person Heather Allred’s YouTube-watching experience was interrupted last night when a tall, clueless comment obstructed her view…