MONTREAL — Gildan Activewear has developed new technology enabling band T-shirts to shrink without ever having to be washed, Gildan’s team of scientists announced today…
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — Google announced a new navigation mode for its popular Google Maps smartphone app yesterday, offering simulated dad-based directions that will consist…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Remember, Aries: Mars rules your sign; it does not rule you. Cancel your preorder for those 30 Seconds to…
Listen up! As a white man, I can stay silent no longer. Whatever the most oppressed person in any given room thinks, I am here…
LOS ANGELES — Black metal-themed coffee shop Welkin Thirst unveiled their newest drink today: a spiced latte, containing zested pieces of a rotting pumpkin, black-clad…
LOS ANGELES — Reports indicate Drake gives an inappropriate amount of attention to Stranger Things star Millie Bobby Brown, who said in a now-viral interview…
So many beloved musicians are being outed as terrible people. The reputations of these musicians are tarnished to the point where no one can enjoy…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — An aging drum kit living with local parents Barbara and Sam Willett has no imminent plans to leave, despite staying in their…
LOS ANGELES — Ticketing sales and distribution leader Ticketmaster announced their new “Fuck You Fee” today, adding an extra charge of $5.15 on all tickets…
PLANO, Texas — Pizza Hut president Artie Starrs announced this morning via a conference call with shareholders that the restaurant chain will release a new,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Fans of popular post-punk band Joy Division lined up for hours overnight to pick up a new reissue of the beloved 1979…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) This is the best week of the year to listen to your creative urges, Aries — try rolling your…
For those of you who don’t know, I am a father to a beautiful baby boy. Or girl! Please don’t be offended- I’m genderblind. And…
WASHINGTON — An Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was disrupted Friday evening when 27-year-old straight edge kid Drew “‘Till Death” Jackson arrived to announce his 10,000 day…
LOS ANGELES — Perpetually unemployed boyfriend Liam Womack announced yesterday that he will cease failing to author novels to pursue procrastinating on writing screenplays, apprehensive…