Look, I’m not stupid. I always knew my daughter Monica could be at risk for this kind of thing. She’s always been a “creative” type,…
PHILADELPHIA — Local bass player Katie Martinez wished last night that she hadn’t tried to make a feminist statement about the strength of women by…
RENO, Nev. — A tense stand-off between a grizzled bouncer armed with a rubber stamp and a punk nursing a brand-new hand tattoo held up…
LEVITTOWN, Pa. — Couple Samantha Dean and Adrian Benezette realized after visiting Benezette’s hometown last week that a poorly run, highly dangerous backyard wrestling show…
WASHINGTON — The Surgeon General issued a grave warning to America’s youth today that vape pens and e-cigarettes are sadly nowhere near as cool as…
FORT WORTH, Texas — The Fort Worth Police Department held a press conference today, announcing they’ve uncovered and ended a horrific, underground doggo fighting ring…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Health-conscious punk Stacey “Skaggs” Bellamy will no longer drive her rusted-out cargo van to purchase illicit substances, but will instead bike…
PURCHASE, N.Y. — Self-proclaimed bass player Ezra Steinberg was finally accepted into his local DIY scene Saturday after catching the attention of basement show guests…
TORONTO — A dearly loved bong kicked off a six-person tour last night, starting in the last row of a van belonging to local punk…
HORSHAM, Pa. — Local uncle and baby boomer Don Waldemire added the incredibly popular, carbonated alcoholic beverage White Claw today to his ever-growing list of…
WASHINGTON — Steve Bannon was flabbergasted to learn yesterday that his hate-filled, racist propaganda and rhetoric, once considered the cornerstone of the alt-right scene, is…
SUMMERVILLE, S.C. — The hardcore band Gout prepared for their show tonight with their new tradition of drawing straws to determine who will drink and…
NEW YORK — The Hard Times, often considered the only reputable website on the internet, tried to get a friend in for free yesterday for…
TWIN FALLS, Idaho — Local man Raymond Kieffer set a new personal record moments ago by wearing his beret for 90 seconds in public before…
DENVER — Local retail worker Carson Patterson earned himself a luxurious, three-minute paid vacation for Labor Day by faking a shit-break, awe-inspired sources confirm. “It…