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Andrew Yang to Suspend Campaign, Offer Universal “Go Fuck Yourself” to Every American Citizen

CONCORD, N.H. — Andrew Yang announced he will be dropping out of the presidential race tonight, but promised to deliver a heaping helping of “go fuck yourself” to every American citizen.

“Oh so I guess you didn’t want to try something new huh America? Big fucking surprise. Suck my nuts, both of them, you pieces of dog shit,” said Yang in an expletive-ridden concession speech. “You think universal basic income is a bad idea? Well how about each and every one of you go universally fuck yourselves. I will be going door to door to give you all the finger. Fuck you.”

New Hampshire primary voters were surprised by the sudden outburst from the otherwise laid back candidate.

“My children are here and they had to listen to that man saying ‘F-this’ and ‘I’m going to whip my D out and shove it right up your A while making your mother watch’ that, and quite frankly it was a bit upsetting,” said local school teacher Rebecca Ann Harrison. “That sort of language should never be used by the leader of the free world.”

At press time Yang could be seen in the background of a CNN broadcast making the jerk off motion towards the American flag.

 
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