CHICAGO — Local punk Allen Prestigiacomo is now unemployed from home, thanks to Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker’s decree forcing bars and dine-in restaurants to close…
I’ve always wanted to travel but it’s so expensive. Airfare, lodging, food; it all adds up very quickly. Anytime I saw those posts online about…
DETROIT — The operators of popular pornography site PornGash were confused and panicked last night when an actual local, horny MILF activated a profile with…
It’s 2020 and the labels that were once put upon people suffering from mental illness have fallen away. It’s finally okay to let people know…
ATLANTA —The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is urging people to give a “free pass” for intercourse between roommates social-isolating to contain the novel…
SEATTLE — Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced today he is committing $10 billion of his vast personal fortune to completely eradicate the threat of coronavirus…
WASHINGTON — President Trump held a press conference this morning to drink a full cup of COVID-19, hoping the gesture will calm the nerves of…
LOS ANGELES — Local metalhead Layne Medema spoke with a representative from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention hotline for well over an hour…
NEW YORK — The Carfax Car Fox TV mascot shocked the world this past Monday as the latest to be diagnosed with the COVID-19 virus.…
HOUSTON — Confused guy and self-described “gym rat” Hunter Brooks habitually motioned today for a woman at a local Planet Fitness to remove her N95…
PORTLAND, Maine — Residents of local punk house the Fire Trap added more tap water today to the house’s already severely diluted bottle of Dr.…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Popular OnlyFans model LilVickiXX posted a new video earlier today where she showed her ass, tits, and difficulty breathing, concerned sources…
CLEVELAND — Democratic presidential frontrunner Joe Biden stunned supporters today by soliciting foreign interference from Russian intelligence operatives to help him log in to his…
MINNEAPOLIS — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommended not attending a local house show tonight to limit the spread of Fighting in the…
DUTCHESS, N.Y. — Endlessly bashful man Dan Jennick admitted today that he’s made extra trips to his local Starbucks during his current crush’s shifts all…