SEATTLE — White guy Joey Kipling started a two week break from consuming any news late last week, citing discomfort, confusion, and depression as reasons…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Genetic scientists have resurrected a dead punk scene using the DNA of an original guitarist preserved in amber, sources sick of hearing…
GARLAND, Texas — Local woman Kristen Tate practices safe sex by taking her birth control at the exact same time once every few days if…
NEW YORK — Local white woman Rebecca Shulz went viral today after calling The Police a better band than The Beatles in what witnesses described…
FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. — Quarantined woman Andrea Wolfe admitted today that she prefers Zoom sex sans video with her new boyfriend Brad Mikulski, who…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Facebook purged thousands of user accounts belonging to members of right-wing hate groups last week, but also inadvertently scrubbed user information…
MINNEAPOLIS — Popular retailer Target sternly pledged to its employees today that any Coronavirus they are exposed to at their stores would be generally the…
KALISPELL, Mont. — The Kalispell Police Department was directed by city officials yesterday to sell its Seawolf-class nuclear attack submarine amidst nationwide protests to defund…
WASHINGTON — Republican Party sources claimed today that they are in possession of a potentially damning episode of “Room Raiders” featuring Democratic Presidential candidate Joe…
WICHITA, Kan. — Local hopeful woman Alex Ginelli spent her free time yesterday attempting to better herself by reading descriptions of $2 self-help books on…
NEW YORK — Violent criminals and feral animals from across the country gathered in New York yesterday to protest America’s unfair comparison of their ilk…
WASHINGTON — Democrats have proposed historic legislation that would end the traditional “goodnight kiss” they previously gave all cops right after tucking them into bed…
MIAMI — Ofc. Mark Stewart of the Miami Police Department has reportedly changed his opinion on being filmed while on the job, despite once proudly…
Friend Celebrating Birthday at Home in Quarantine Still Manages to Start Drunken Fight and Lose Shoe
Friend Celebrating Birthday at Home in Quarantine Still Manages to Start Drunken Fight and Lose Shoe
MONTCLAIR, N.J. — Local woman Frankie Landis exceeded all her previous birthday expectations by somehow still managing to start a drunken fight and lose her…
During the past couple of weeks, the national conversation has included discussion of proper ways of displaying confederate statues. There have been multiple cases of…