SEATTLE — White guy Joey Kipling started a two week break from consuming any news late last week, citing discomfort, confusion, and depression as reasons for his personal “media blackout.”
“Everything is crazy in the country right now,” Kipling said. “I needed to take a step back for my own mental health. Everything I do should feel good, right? I can’t be my best if I’m wallowing in the darkness of the current times everyday — you can’t be there for others if you don’t take care of yourself. So that’s what I’ll be doing, by playing ‘Animal Crossing’ and avoiding Instagram for at least the next few weeks.”
Kipling talked over the intentional and curiously-timed break with his therapist before reaching his decision.
“It is true that I coined the phrase ‘social media diet’ to help Joey with previous problems,” said Kipling’s therapist, Ana Huerta. “But I reminded him that excessive social media use, and responsibly staying abreast of current events, are two entirely different things. Still, he insisted that the news right now was ‘just too much, I don’t know.’ I couldn’t really get through to him on this issue, so we moved onto his difficulties with opening his mail.”
Kipling’s roommate Meti Otieno, a queer person of color and activist, was less forgiving of his willful blindness.
“I told him it was bullshit: I told him he was running from the problem because of his unchecked white guilt. Instead of sitting with it, processing it, and learning where he could contribute and take action, he chose to turn a blind eye to it. It’s similar to how he treats his dirty dishes and responsibilities as a dog owner,” Otieno stated. “I tried to give him information on upcoming rallies, where he could donate, and even some reading materials, but none of it worked — he told me I was ‘lording over his mental health’ and that I ‘just wouldn’t understand.’”
Kipling was last seen on his phone, looking for fun Airbnb properties far out in nature at which to spend the rest of his break. “I just need to get my dad to Venmo me for this spot, and then I’m off to meditate and realign, better than ever” he said.