BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — Local dad and lifelong jock Patrick Bruckheimer is forcing his home-schooled teenage son to take showers upstairs with the rest of the…
Richard Gere is known to be one of the silver foxes of Hollywood. With a full head of peppered grey hair, a chin that would…
UNITED STATES — Straight guy musicians from around the country who usually can’t shut the fuck up about how much they love Asian women suddenly…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local man James Bo finally fulfilled his lifelong dream of growing out his hair last month, only to discover it happened to…
NORCROSS, Ga. — Local man Craig Barnett, who quit smoking in 1995, discovered a box yesterday filled with Camel cigarettes’s now-obsolete Camel Cash, prompting him…
NEW YORK — Self-described “cinema aficionado” Kevin Clifford has spent the past several months becoming fluent in Japanese in order to “watch” Kurosawa movies while…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local 20-somethings Ashton Knoll and Kevin Stohl were approved yesterday for a second mortgage on their fiddle leaf fig tree, which the…
BOSTON — A study by researchers at MIT has found that nearly every person who has publicly denounced a canceled artist continues to listen to…
CHICAGO — Local man Shaun Clemens is reportedly planning to spend St. Patrick’s Day in his usual leprechaun costume, drinking alone in his room this…
PHILADELPHIA — Local Irish-themed punk rock band The Drunken Fighting Lads are being suspiciously protective of the ethnic background results they received in a recent…
WALDORF, Md. — Otherwise well-adjusted 37-year-old adult Sean Collier realized yesterday that he still folds under the slightest peer pressure despite being decades removed from…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Local punk Britney Callahan assured onlookers moments ago that despite the rather violent scuffle she was involved in outside the Walter’s Bar…
AGOURA HILLS, Calif. — Local nü-metal band Hog Washer can’t decide which of the countless butthole puns they thought of over the last six months…
LOS ANGELES — An alleged serial killer and millennial is taunting LAPD and terrorizing the city through a series of deranged, emoji-laden letters, angry and…
VACAVILLE, Calif. — Punk teens and local high school students Bri Chambers and Daniel Hernandez ditched their Zoom classes late yesterday morning to smoke cigarettes…