RICHMOND, Va. — Local roommate Sarah Dillard shared a subtly-titled playlist with her housemates hinting that everyone except her move out of their Carytown apartment,…
SEATTLE — Amazon Prime Air UAV Drone #434001 was written up by its supervisor for taking a three minute refueling break during hours that it…
TOKYO — American gymnast Simone Biles earned a bronze medal earlier today for her performance on a balance beam you probably can’t even hoist yourself…
MILWAUKEE — Delusional local man Rick Crawford is convinced coworker Mary Schneider’s barely-concealed hostility toward him is all part of an elaborate inside joke between…
MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — Punk legends and cartoon mascot enthusiasts Descendents released a new album titled “9th & Walnut” featuring 12 never-before-released songs, each of…
WASHINGTON — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi gathered with Democratic leadership this morning to issue a statement promising that the recently expired eviction moratorium would not…
NEW YORK — Lifelong city resident Danny Rossi started a campaign early this week denouncing the legitimacy of a city rat that would prefer Chicago…
OMAHA, Neb. — Citizens across the country are coping with record breaking heat and wondering why there has been seemingly zero warning of rising temperatures…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Pop-punk band Soul Skaters made a brief stop during their East coast tour recently to hold a solemn vigil at the Tomb…
DALLAS, Penn. — A recent board game night hosted by small town resident Curly P. Johnson evolved with alarming ease and fluidity into a full-on…
BRANAU AM INN, Austria — Conservative podcaster and chrononaut Arlo Sanderson travelled back in time to protest the assassination of an unborn Adolf Hitler, insisting…
PALMDALE, CA — Customers and baristas of The Catalyst Coffee Shop were shaken to their core Sunday afternoon when sick fuck Andrew Murphy ordered an…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Longtime “Jackass” fan and father of three, Kyle McGarvin, believes he is finally mature enough to recreate some of the show’s most…
PORTLAND — Ardent leftist and Socialist Rifle Association member Jamie Stoltz was hospitalized after severely damaging her tongue by biting it for an entire day…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Avid sneakerhead Jeremy ‘Choice Kicks’ Santini reportedly died inside when first time homeowner Michael Beatty instructed all party guests to remove their…