CHICAGO — Local recovering alcoholic Patrick Tolleridge is now expressing deep remorse for his past jukebox selections since getting sober, according to sources. “When I…
SAN FRANCISCO — Big-city punk Oliver Lewis recently got the name of his hometown, “Kingston,” tattooed across his stomach despite not visiting the Massachusetts town…
NEW ORLEANS — Local man who either looks good for his age or bad for his age Benjamin Button revealed that his political outlook is…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local punk Matthew Verne reportedly suffered an immense financial loss after his mother repurposed over $26,000 worth of old band shirts into…
SAINT PAUL, Minn. — 37-year-old punk Ronald “Buckets” Drearer grossly exaggerated how much alcohol he regularly consumes in order to seem cooler during a recent…
WASHINGTON — Congress signed a last-minute funding measure to narrowly avoid a government shutdown today after a crowd gathered on Capitol Hill began chanting “one…
BELLINGHAM, Wash. — Local punk house cat The Little Guy is reportedly furious at the return of house shows to the area and the loud,…
Any celebrity can tweet against bullying in our school, but it takes a real class act to actually stand up and do something about it.…
BOISE, Idaho — A man suffering from COVID-19 after refusing a vaccination drew ire from other patients by spreading his legs across two ICU beds,…
Whoa there, buddy. I didn’t come to this party to cultivate new friendships or trick people into connecting with me on LinkedIn. I came here…
NEW YORK — Marketing associate and long-time New Yorker Carly Tseng reportedly wasted National Coffee Day by purchasing coffee at Starbucks. “This time of year,…
DENVER — Local man Liam Cooper announced that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich his girlfriend charitably made for him was “worse than eating dog…
REHOBOTH BEACH, Del. — A local woman’s conversation with friends was disrupted by a man who stormed across the bar to correct a statement she…
Ow! Seriously, that really fucking hurts! It feels like you’re slowly slitting my bicep with a hot, wet scalpel. I guess now I know how…
LOS ANGELES — Local man Peter Thurman is pretty certain nobody can tell he frequently uses his COVID mask as a cloth napkin for yet-to-be…