First and foremost, we want to say congratulations President Biden! Well, moreso good riddance Donald Trump but six in one hand, half dozen in the…
DALLAS –– Two dozen members of the choral rock band The Polyphonic Spree are allegedly on Tinder looking for an “open-minded and multi-instrumented” 25th, confused…
NEW YORK — Luxury sex toy manufacturer Bad Vibrations claims their latest dildo, which can’t maintain a full erection and smokes the user’s entire cannabis…
CLEVELAND — Local man Ryan Kaufman salvaged the majority of his unused best man speech yesterday after adding some minor edits to instead eulogize his…
Fuck Joe Biden. Plain and simple. Who does that commie bastard think he is trying to raise taxes on blue-collar workers like me? Sure, I…
DALLAS — Residents of the local punk house The Lincoln Memorial learned yesterday that the white noise machine they thought they’ve been using for the…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local sandwich artist Allison Kim’s spacious, work-issued polo shirt did little to block a well-known customer’s intense, sexually-charged leer, according to uncomfortable…
HANOVER, Pa. — Local Nazi, Kyle Rumbley, is unsure how to tell his family he voted for Joe Biden after Pennsylvania flipped blue, ultimately securing…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local pop-punk group Dorm Room Philosophers reportedly fought over songwriting technique yesterday while recording their new album, accusing guitarist Trey Adams of…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Quarantined suitor Gabe Dawson canceled his highly anticipated Zoom date with “hot barista Dylan” last night after spending 45 minutes as…
PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. -— Former Vice President Dan Quayle has reportedly contracted the novel Coronavirus “COVIDE-19,” according to Quayle’s medical records. “Mr. Quayle checked in…