WOONSOCKET, R.I. — Local dad and moderator of the “Rhode Island Primus Alliance” Facebook group Chester Bakersfield admitted to keeping more photos of basses in…
BEATRICE, Neb. — Staunch conservative Todd Anderson vowed to limit his annual Disney World trips to slightly more than a baker’s dozen because he is…
PHILADELPHIA – Local man Justin Clark, who suffers from clinical depression and anxiety, inadvertently became completely shredded following months of sleeping under a weighted blanket,…
MESA, Ariz. — Members of Jimmy Eat World posted a video on their official Instagram page formally apologizing for their 2001 hit single “The Middle,”…
GARLAND, Texas — Garland Guns and Ammo reported they are on track for their most profitable month ever thanks to a highly popular “Back to…
HARRISON, N.Y. — Executives at PepsiCo announced the launch of a new beverage called Pepsi Boneless which they hope will break through the discerning Gen…
NEW YORK — Seasoned review writer, and so-called ‘realist,’ Gio Moreland struggled for several days to find the stars pictured in NASA’s newest images from…
HARRISBURG, Penn. — Local human disaster Jason Melvin recently managed to pull a complete 180 in every aspect of his previously pointless existence with the…
BOSTON – Local business owner Shawn O’Connell was surprised to discover that a majority of the personal references provided by a recent job applicant turned…
GLENSIDE, Pa. — Pennsylvania senate candidate John Fetterman vows to support universal healthcare for scene veterans, old heads, and all the real motherfuckers in the…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — New Jersey-based punk, and massive acid enthusiast, Lionel “Tabby” Winnet is reportedly “confused but going with it” upon finding himself at bat…
SEATTLE — Thirty-seven-year-old father Peter Goodman recently sat down with his son, Jamiroquai, to explain the intimate mechanics of sexual maturity, which by Goodman’s description…
LOS ANGELES — The completion of the fourth season of “Stranger Things” left Americans yearning for a simpler time when the nation was led by…
WASHINGTON — Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell reportedly spent the week in a luxurious DC hotel while the coffin he sleeps in was re-lined, creeped-out…
Oh, you like the “Stranger Things” soundtrack, huh? Yeah, it’s pretty nice. Modular synths, analog warmth — you’ve got to love those lush retro vibes.…