“Love in an Elevator” is a song by Aerosmith that appeared on their 1989 album “Pump.” If you are asking why in God’s name we’re…
Six years ago, we took up the ambitious project of ranking every punk song ever recorded: a colossal catalog spanning five decades and over a…
When I was an impressionable youth, I was corrupted by cigarettes. At the tender age of 16, smoking ads were everywhere, displaying cool people wearing…
Am I the future of Gonzo journalism? I sure hope so, because my behavior today endangered my marriage, traumatized my son, and may result in…
It’s time for our Adopt-a-Pet post of the week, in which we highlight wonderful pets that are looking for their forever home. This week, we…
Everyone on planet Earth knows “Mambo No. 5.” Even if you were merely an egg in your mother’s womb at the time, you heard it…
With the Verhoevian monster truck rally that is the Republican National Convention finally upon us, we here at The Hard Times decided that the only…
Every day I see the mailman and I am transfixed. Every day I imagine the sound of empty bottles clinking around in that truck as…
Ooo, I’ve never had mugwort/wormwood tea, but I’m excited to try! This is the perfect way to end a great first date. Though, I have…
In the United States, corporations enjoy many of the same rights as people — things like freedom of speech, the right to enter into contracts,…
America is being destroyed by the liberal elite and it makes me absolutely sick. And it would’ve made my dad sick, too. After all, he…
We had the opportunity to talk with Mastodon and get the nitty-gritty of what they had to deal with getting up during the Pleistocene Epoch.…
Boy, is my life in shambles these days. I just got promoted to district manager of Omega Printz and it’s been a huge disaster. Not…
Like most Americans, we spent our time quarantined catching up on podcasts, learning to cook (shoutout my sourdough starter), and plotting how to get back…
Big day in my relationship! At a protest yesterday, for the first time ever my boyfriend cried in front of me. Emotional communication is extremely…