WAUKEE, Iowa — Tardy metalhead Colby Shelton accidentally wore his young sister’s Girl Scout vest to a recent show, mistaking…
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MAUPIN, Ore. — Deflated cryptozoologist Sam Pennington expressed his frustration after once again mistaking Dinosaur Jr. lead singer and guitarist…
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NEW YORK — An alarming scientific study has discovered that the absolute worst drivers in the US are almost exclusively…
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NEW YORK — A group of admittedly “horned-up” and “desperate” ornithologists confessed that the majority of questionable bird names were…
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NEW YORK — Former bully-turned-bouncer Terry Gallagher found himself fighting the urge to administer atomic wedgies to everyone at a…
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HAZELTON, Pa. — Former President Trump took time during a campaign rally to brag about successfully completing another cognitive test…
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FORT WORTH, Texas — Local masturbator James Matheson was overheard thoughtfully whispering to himself a historical poem about Alexander the…
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SPOKANE, Wash. — Local Gen Alpha teen Angelina Stephenson was shocked and appalled to learn that famed commercial actor Snoop…
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CHARLESTON, W.Va. — An increasingly agitated yellow canary found inside a previously abandoned basement venue is really bumming out attendees…
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DURHAM, N.C. — Allegedly ill punk Tommy Donnelly has taken to his deathbed, which is also his roommate’s used futon,…
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