Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

September 17, 2024

TACOMA, Wash. — Punk house squatter Dave Giles reportedly converted virtually every open space within his home into a junk…

August 27, 2024

DENVER — Local man Davey Hilton was “severely bummed” upon learning his new roommate, Nina McKenna, was the “intrusive thoughts”…

June 16, 2024

Is there anything more beautiful than a father’s love expressed through music? If there is, we don’t want to know…

June 4, 2024

WAUKEE, Iowa — Tardy metalhead Colby Shelton accidentally wore his young sister’s Girl Scout vest to a recent show, mistaking…

May 22, 2024

MAUPIN, Ore. — Deflated cryptozoologist Sam Pennington expressed his frustration after once again mistaking Dinosaur Jr. lead singer and guitarist…

May 16, 2024

NEW YORK — An alarming scientific study has discovered that the absolute worst drivers in the US are almost exclusively…

May 6, 2024

NEW YORK — A group of admittedly “horned-up” and “desperate” ornithologists confessed that the majority of questionable bird names were…

May 2, 2024

NEW YORK — Former bully-turned-bouncer Terry Gallagher found himself fighting the urge to administer atomic wedgies to everyone at a…

April 14, 2024

HAZELTON, Pa. — Former President Trump took time during a campaign rally to brag about successfully completing another cognitive test…

April 11, 2024

FORT WORTH, Texas — Local masturbator James Matheson was overheard thoughtfully whispering to himself a historical poem about Alexander the…