SPOKANE, Wash. — Local Gen Alpha teen Angelina Stephenson was shocked and appalled to learn that famed commercial actor Snoop Dogg was not only not a fictional mascot, but once a well-respected musician, confirmed sources who used to own “Doggystyle” on CD.
“I was on YouTube watching an unskippable ad starring that dude Snoop Dogg was pushing Bic lighters. Which is weird, because I thought he was the spokesperson for Corona. Or was it Tostitos? Or The General? I didn’t realize brands lent out their fictional characters to other companies,” said Stephenson. “I asked my dad about it. But it turns out Snoop Dogg isn’t a character invented solely to sell cheap insurance and Mexican beer. He’s like a real person named Calvin. I mean, I knew Snoop wasn’t his real name, but I figured it was like Flo from the Progressive commercials or something.”
Stephenson’s Gen Z older brother Michael lamented the ignorance of his sister’s generation.
“These kids today just don’t get,” explained the 24-year-old. “Of course, Snoop Dogg was more than just some crip-walking caricature. His career actually started as an actor way back in the mid-’90s, playing bit parts in movies. Gen Z is well aware of Snoop’s previous artistic endeavors, such as his role as Ronnie Rizzatt in ‘Malibu’s Most Wanted,’ and Smoove Move in ‘Turbo.’ Now he’s just a fucking sellout, man.”
Sociologist Anna Chaney elaborated on the surprisingly common phenomenon.
“Longevity in the entertainment industry is both a blessing and a curse. Snoop Dogg is of course still a cultural icon, even if young people are completely unaware of his music career,” said Chaney. “But this ignorance of the past is not unique to Gen Alpha. For instance, while Baby Boomers fell in love with Paul Lynde as a flamboyant comedic actor, he first came into public consciousness as a sniper in the Korean War, setting a new record for confirmed kills. And then there’s Mark Wahlberg, Sean Penn, and Matthew Broderick, who all did horrible things in the past we now choose to ignore.”
When reached for comment, Snoop Dogg was unavailable as he was simultaneously filming commercials for Tyson Chicken, PETA, and Diva Cups.