TEMPE, Ariz. — ‘90s alt rockers Gin Blossoms finally acknowledged their white privilege that enabled them to “drive around this town” being chased by the cops without any repercussions, confused and old listeners of Sirius XM’s “Lithium” confirmed.
“Anyone who’s heard our music is well aware of our extreme level of whiteness. Heck, we’re routinely ranked between Savage Garden and Toad the Wet Sprocket as the ‘most likely to sunburn indoors’ rock groups of the ‘90s. But we didn’t learn until recently about the privilege that comes along with being the alt rock equivalent of mayonnaise on Wonder Bread,” explained bassist Bill Leen. “It’s important now that we recognize that not every band could spend the day letting the cops chase them without facing arrest, or worse. Let’s just say if it was Living Colour in that situation, the song ‘Hey Jealousy’ would have ended very differently.”
Random Tempe woman commuting to work Shawna Howard described a related run-in with Leen.
“I saw this middle-aged white guy walking down the street and briefly stopping and speaking to every person of color. When he reached me, he said ‘I’m sorry.’ I asked for what and then he explained he’s in the Gin Blossoms. I got excited thinking they were the guys who wrote that song from ‘The Babysitters Club’ movie but apparently that was Better Than Ezra?” said Howard. “I suppose I appreciate what he’s trying to do, even if it may negatively affect his career. Because let’s face it, bands like his mostly play midwestern state fairs, and those places are teeming with corn dog-eating, anti-woke white people.”
Former MTV VJ and ‘90s rock scene staple Matt Pinfield elaborated on this emerging trend among aging rock bands.
“The one consistent throughline in the story of grunge and alternative rock is white privilege. I mean, how else could a band like Matchbox Twenty receive a record contract and radio play without it,” said Pinfield. “But Zoomers that are now discovering this music are viewing these lyrics through a different lens than their parents. First, consider the so-called ‘dark secret’ behind the boathouse in The Toadies’ ‘Possum Kingdom.’ And it’s probably best to just avoid the thorny issue that is King Missile’s ‘Detachable Penis.’”
In response to Gin Blossom’s newly found empathy and atonement, Stephan Jenkins of Third Eye Blind has vowed to continue being the biggest asshole of ‘90s rock.