SAN DIEGO — Self-proclaimed “beard guy” Reggie Eustace transitioned back into “no personality guy” yesterday after shaving off his beard, leaving him with no discernible…
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa — Amateur musician Ryan Mason spent countless hours through the last couple weeks crafting a flyer for his band’s show tonight, forgetting…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Recently deceased man Jerry Davidson confessed on his deathbed last week that Juggalos, the clown-faced fans of Insane Clown Posse, are an…
DENVER — Panicked local guitarist Leonard Walsh wiped blood from his face moments ago while insisting his band drop everything, hit the road under cover…
NEW ORLEANS — Local guitarist Ryan Alarid is struggling to pick between two nearly identical, virtually indistinguishable photos of himself on stage for his Tinder…
MOORESTOWN, N.J. — Local mom Jerri Donalda is running out of polite euphemisms for describing her “free-spirited” daughter Anne in the annual family newsletter, worried…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Police officers on the scene of a texting and driving accident last night that claimed the life of a local teen confirmed…
IRVINE,Calif. — Local punk Jenny Stoever is hoping against all hope that her father Ted Stoever’s ardent support of President Trump is just a passing…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — The deeply personal and profound meaning behind local man Trent Williams’ “actually not stupid or impulsive” tattoo has once again changed,…
BELLE ISLE, Fla. — Local goth Jess “Alexandria Ravenwood” Reynolds is heartbroken that her recently deceased aunt did not include a “one night in a…
PLANO, Texas — Battle of the Bands judge Bradley Chase allowed a desperate four-piece rock band to compete last night using a dog drummer, noting…
BOSTON — A research team of manly scientists believe they may have discovered a third emotion, in addition to anger and stoicism, that real men…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Fancy punk Gerald Harden is flaunting his wealth by hanging relatively expensive, unwashed, 400-thread count bed sheets in his bedroom windows as…
ISLAND PARK, N.Y. — Adult punk with a secret, Christian past Steve Phelan is referring to his old church youth group as the “local scene”…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Classically trained multi-instrumentalist and road-weary touring musician Joanna Newsom is hoping one of the openers for her show tonight has a Prince…