Nick Ortolani, Author at HARDTIMES

May 10, 2021

DALLAS — Local white man Darrell Hargrove raised alarm bells yesterday after a traffic incident led experts to believe his…

May 1, 2021

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A new report from The Institute of Nostalgia Studies found evidence that the classic ‘90s “X-Men” animated…

April 16, 2021

WASHINGTON — Democratic members of the U.S. legislature announced today that, “Fuck it, we’re gonna lower the minimum wage,” following…

February 3, 2021

NEW YORK — Leading economists warned today that raising the minimum wage to $15 will severely impede the ability of…

February 2, 2021

Sometimes a political statement comes along that really forces one to rethink their whole world view. While it’s been centuries…

January 18, 2021

LOS ANGELES — The upcoming fourth installment of the popular “Matrix” movies is expected to shatter records for dumb, pseduo-philisophical…

December 13, 2020

WOODLAWN, Md. — A recent government study indicates that fans of thrash metal will finally be eligible for Social Security…

December 2, 2020

NASHUA, N.H. — Pheasant Lane Mall Target employee Trevor Bennequist clocked out yesterday for lunch, only to discover that buying…

November 27, 2020

It’s not often that a location becomes synonymous, if even briefly, with a zeitgeist defining artistic movement. Rarer still are…

October 21, 2020

PLAINSVILLE, Iowa — Local virgin Andy Wardell grew concerned yesterday that his future sexual intercourse may resemble the acts described…