I had a plan! My star was going to shine so brightly that it burned out before my time! I was supposed to get stupid…
People call whiskey a crutch, but through the good times, the bad times, and the boring times, it’s more of a companion. So when this…
I finally did it! I am now in the top one percent of financially successful musicians! So now I get to do what everyone does…
Don’t you hate ambiguous social rules? It’s like a guy can’t even go to a bar, get drunk, and take a piss on a wall…
My whole life, I just kept hearing, “You Geminis… I never know which one of you I’m gonna get! One minute you’re throwing the BBQ…
Help! I Thought Caring the Most About My Band Would Make Me the Leader but It Made Me the Secretary!
Help! I Thought Caring the Most About My Band Would Make Me the Leader but It Made Me the Secretary!
In the early days, before we even landed on the name “Xylophile,” nobody was taking charge. That’s why I stepped up and snatched the throne.…
So I was tuning my guitar between “Fireworks on the Radio” and “Ayy, I’m Moshin’ Ova Here!” when I heard my singer crack a joke.…
Justin Timberlake. Beyonce. Me. Throughout music history, there have often been stars within a group that clearly outshine the others. Stars who everyone on Earth,…
You youngins today have all kinds of interests and you don’t care who knows it. Not like back in the old days of the ’90s.…
WELLAND, Ontario — Local hardcore kid Jordan Trimble announced his intentions to destroy the only intact ceiling tile remaining in the Lion’s Club seconds before…
Aw hells yeah! That thing I love about metalcore is happening again! It started off with a couple light strums to get me all primed…
Dude, what the fuck? Doors opened like an hour ago and no one’s here! Now I’m texting all my friends like, “You need to get…
Ow! Seriously, that really fucking hurts! It feels like you’re slowly slitting my bicep with a hot, wet scalpel. I guess now I know how…
NEWARK, N.J. — Former Carport frontman Mikey Cooper, 42, is reportedly using his decades of experience exploring overdramatic themes to excel in his new role…
What the fuck? How did I not get one double-take when I walked in here? What the hell happened to this scene? Okay, sure, maybe…