AUBURN, N.Y. – Local dad and notorious shit disturber Walter Morris patiently waited for a lull during his family’s lovely Christmas dinner to launch into…
MILWAUKEE – Identical punk twins Ryan and Bryan Ohland recently revealed their ability to sense when the other is jonesing for a cigarette, sources who…
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — The annual holiday gift exchange at Clarkson Valley Police Department consisted entirely of Punisher items for the fifth year in a…
If the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that life is precious and we need to protect our mental health at all costs.…
LAS VEGAS — Tourists recently visiting the Sphere attraction in Las Vegas expressed their displeasure with being tricked into listening to U2, according to sources…
Well, that concludes our paranormal investigation of your turn-of-the-century Victorian farmhouse. After using numerous spirit-locating devices and other elaborate ghost-searching tools, we’re happy to conclude…
PLANO, Texas — Local bassist Keegan Rizzo recently drew his biggest crowd yet after being locked inside of his band’s sweltering 1997 Ford Escort, according…
HAMELIN, Germany — Local residents awoke to the horrifying sight of thousands of filthy rats being led back into the center of town by the…
PATERSON, N.J. — Local garbage collector Vince LePaglia couldn’t believe the putrid stench emanating from the tour van of punk band The Oozing Lesions that…
I love reminiscing about the good old days. Like in fifth grade, when I totally dunked on Owen Krevsky when a bird took a dump…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Office introvert Chandler Pike was cautiously optimistic that his shorter-than-usual haircut would go unnoticed by colleagues, according to sources who overheard him…
Not a day goes by that I don’t hear someone bitching about not being able to afford a home. They claim the economy is dogshit…
The Supreme Court finally did the right thing and struck down the unjust policy of Affirmative Action in college admissions. I’ve said it before and…
5 Times Characters From “Full House” Made Inappropriate Remarks About the Chernobyl Nuclear Disaster
5 Times Characters From “Full House” Made Inappropriate Remarks About the Chernobyl Nuclear Disaster
If you’re like me, you fondly remember the ‘80s sitcom “Full House” as a heartwarming comedy about a gay throuple trying to raise three girls…
DELRAY, Mich. — Leading Juggalo scientists confirmed fascinating new research which indicates that “whoop whoop” has numerous meanings including “hello,” “goodbye,” and “show me your…