Dearest Katie, It pains me to have to write you this since we’ve spent so much time together over the past few months, but alas,…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local sexual deviant Glen O’Roarke wished the performers at the Cabaret Tease Burlesque Show would hurry up and get naked already because…
The 90s were a simpler time. No smartphones. No social media. And the best way to hear updates on the Oasis-Blur rivalry was from Carson…
I’m usually a pretty laid-back guy and take things as they come, but it’s tough putting trust in my new Otolaryngologist. While I was doing…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — A new episode of the hit HGTV series “House Hunters” is being applauded for its realism after a millennial couple on the…
MIAMI — A local couple working from home was reported that they were left with no choice but to start sleeping with one another, according…
AUBURN, N.Y. – Local dad and notorious shit disturber Walter Morris patiently waited for a lull during his family’s lovely Christmas dinner to launch into…
MILWAUKEE – Identical punk twins Ryan and Bryan Ohland recently revealed their ability to sense when the other is jonesing for a cigarette, sources who…
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — The annual holiday gift exchange at Clarkson Valley Police Department consisted entirely of Punisher items for the fifth year in a…
If the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that life is precious and we need to protect our mental health at all costs.…
LAS VEGAS — Tourists recently visiting the Sphere attraction in Las Vegas expressed their displeasure with being tricked into listening to U2, according to sources…
Well, that concludes our paranormal investigation of your turn-of-the-century Victorian farmhouse. After using numerous spirit-locating devices and other elaborate ghost-searching tools, we’re happy to conclude…
PLANO, Texas — Local bassist Keegan Rizzo recently drew his biggest crowd yet after being locked inside of his band’s sweltering 1997 Ford Escort, according…
HAMELIN, Germany — Local residents awoke to the horrifying sight of thousands of filthy rats being led back into the center of town by the…
PATERSON, N.J. — Local garbage collector Vince LePaglia couldn’t believe the putrid stench emanating from the tour van of punk band The Oozing Lesions that…