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Eric Clapton Announces “Tears in Heaven” Now About Jesus Being Sad People Still Taking Vaccine

SURREY, England — Musician Eric Clapton surprised everyone by announcing that his 1992 hit song “Tears in Heaven” is now about the Messiah’s despair that people are still using vaccines to combat COVID-19, confirmed sources who hadn’t that track in years.

“This song was originally written to help me cope with my son Conor’s sudden passing,” stated Clapton as he Venmoed more royalty checks to RFK Jr.’s presidential campaign. “But as time went on and my heart started to heal from the loss, a new pain started to develop after taking that evil Astrazeneca shot, which is why this song is now about the Heavenly Father crying that his ignorant children on Earth are still taking this poison. I feel very connected to Jesus since we’re all made from God’s image, especially me, so what cooler way to educate the masses about the ‘scamdemic’ than with the collaboration of two powerful spiritual forces.”

Long-time fan and nurse Patricia Healy expressed confusion about the song’s new meaning.

“This tune used to resonate with me because I also lost someone close, but I’m not sure I really get the message anymore,” said Healy. “I know firsthand that the vaccine saved millions of lives, so I don’t agree with changing its meaning. Plus, how the hell am I supposed to connect with it knowing that it’s now some weird antivax Christian rock hybrid? I’m vaccinated and an avowed atheist. Plus, I don’t buy him ever working with Jesus, not because I question his faith, but because Jesus is technically a foreigner and we all know Clapton’s thoughts on that.”

Music expert Taylor Berube says it’s not uncommon for artists to re-interpret their songs as they age.

“It’s very normal for the meaning of songs to evolve as artists gain more life experience,” Berube stated. “That’s why the best songs are ones that keep their meaning vague so they have a wider appeal. But a song like this was so specific to Clapton’s life that it makes it difficult to accept that it’s now about something completely different, transforming what was once a beautiful tribute to a lost soul, to now something that your drunk uncle would say after he downed a bottle of Wild Turkey.”

At press time, Clapton also announced that his cover of “I Shot the Sheriff” will now be about what he’ll do to any law enforcement officials who even think about implementing another mask mandate.