February 26, 2021
PAWTUCKET, R.I. — Conservative pundits outraged by Hasbro’s announcement that Mr. Potato Head would become gender-neutral immediately created petitions to…
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February 15, 2021
I used to be one of those metal kids who thought it was cool to piss off your parents by…
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January 14, 2021
DETROIT — Local YouTube guitar teacher Nita von Bismark quietly mumbled to her online students that she would put on…
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November 28, 2020
WASHINGTON — White House kitchen staff are reportedly elated by the prospect of cooking “real food” for President-elect Joe Biden…
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November 15, 2020
TAMPA, Fla. — Local man Blake Davis, known for his large tribal tattoo that doubles as a Godsmack tattoo, went…
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August 4, 2020
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Viking metal band Fjord Destroyer took a local Chili’s restaurant by storm during the evening rush last…
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August 3, 2020
PORTLAND, Ore. — “Mom Walls” and “Dad Walls” barricading themselves in front of local law enforcement and federal agents have…
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August 2, 2020
PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. — A seasoned and fatigued Rob Halford admitted today that after nearly five decades of donning inflexible…
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July 28, 2020
SUGAR LAND, Texas — New homeowner and devoted metalhead Eric Bronson replaced the out-of-date shag carpet in his living room…
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June 12, 2020
DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons,…
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