LOS ANGELES — Local metalhead Layne Medema spoke with a representative from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention hotline for well over an hour…
DENVER — Local police apprehended miscreant Max Yelban last night for mischievously shouting “Arcade Fire” in a crowded theater and causing a panicked frenzy among…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local punk Gary Trentson is recycling his New Year’s resolution for Lent this year after failing miserably on his initial attempt back…
WASHINGTON — The Democratic National Committee released a public statement today, imploring Bernie Sanders supporters, pejoratively referred to as “Bernie Bros,” to refrain from participating…
Mark my words. If Donald Trump loses the 2020 presidential election I am moving to the only other place that comes to mind when I…
Abs: Everyone wants them. No one’s got them. Except yours truly. In today’s world, there just aren’t many people willing to put in the hard…
CINCINNATI — Local singer Troy Nickelson of shoegaze band Neon Leggings sat back and watched yesterday as his bandmates moved all of his belongings to…
LOS ANGELES — Inclusive frat guy Dylan Sargosta bravely drew both vaginas and penises on passed out freshmen during Friday night’s party at University of…
HOUSTON — Registered Libertarian Dale Kramerson announced today that he will not be voting in the 2020 presidential election as an act of defiance and…
Being an entrepreneur is a mindset. Something you have to put out into the world every moment you can. I achieved my entrepreneurship status through…
As investigative journalists, we at The Hard Times aren’t afraid to ask the tough questions. Also, we know a guy who let us borrow his…
BALTIMORE — Local introvert Katie Pidacter quietly hoped yesterday that no one would remember her birthday this year, in order to avoid the looming pressure…
PHILADELPHIA — Friend-of-a-friend and uninvited Super Bowl party guest Bartholomew Youngblood just wants everyone to know that the word “football” means something entirely different to…
LOS ANGELES — The winner of the “Best Alternative Music Album” at the 62nd Annual Grammy Awards was allegedly produced by acclaimed independent entertainment company…
It’s time to set the record straight. Back in the early 90s, Dave Coulier was an unrelenting whore and everyone in Canada was going down…