BALTIMORE — Local bachelor Dennis Howell has been wearing the same hat for the entirety of his adult life because a girl said it looked…
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Pathetic fucking nerd James Flick admitted that he knows the names of every band member in every single band he likes, confirmed…
Hey, look at this crowd of people outside the venue next to the band’s idling tour bus. It’s been more than half an hour since…
Steve Carrington’s Canadian girlfriend. We’ve all heard this stuff before, but it’s so incredibly unbelievable that I genuinely thought Steve was joking for like a…
College. These are the good ol’ days if you were a loser in high school and then continued being a loser after college. There’s so…
BOSTON — Local ray of sunshine Sarah Bootley openly and unashamedly enjoyed Naval Tomb’s show from the front row last night, sources who wished she’d…
I don’t want to be overly judgmental of anyone, but let’s be honest, if you like our shitty local band then you’re a goddamn loser.…
Look, I’m not a fool. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that Joe Biden is a catch in his current state. He…
JESSUP, Md. — Depressed, despondent millennial Harry Chalke confused those around him when he unwittingly quoted Beck’s “Loser” while summarizing his current state of mental…
CRAIG, Colo. — Local punk Kenneth Dieter instinctively snuck into a show despite there being no cover charge to enter, sources who urged him to…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local twenty-something Jeremy Harris was overheard repeating the common trope that he was ‘born in the wrong decade’ without realizing he would…
HOUSTON — Local punk Colin “Colonic” Birch continues to refer to his parents’ guest house, a two-bedroom A-frame with pool access where he has lived…