BROOKLYN — Indie rock musician Kirby Wardle would do just about anything to get a crowd at one of his shows like the one currently…
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — News that you will not be attending Thanksgiving dinner this year over ongoing concerns surrounding the coronavirus pandemic caused your elderly…
SEATTLE — Local punk Brock Riley admits that he yearns for days when he could spread every illness under the sun to his friends without…
ATLANTA — A terrified passenger aboard flight 1894 to Portland expressed slight relief today in noting that the creature on the wing of his plane…
Covid has killed over 700 thousand Americans since the beginning of 2020. Unfortunately, my beloved uncle Lee became another statistic last night. I appreciate the…
TALLAHASSEE — Vocal critic of vaccine mandates Isaac Fischer took to Facebook this morning to posit that the COVID vaccine that killed Colin Powell had…
The vaccine debate isn’t going anywhere. Thankfully, I’ve never had to participate in any of it because my lifelong commitment to a poison-free lifestyle is…
CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE, Fla. — Cultural Icon and noted serial killer Jason Voorhees was reportedly bullied out of infamous Florida summer camp Camp Crystal Lake…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Facebook services suffered the longest outage in over a year, leading directly to a massive wave of Americans finally getting vaccinated for…
BELLINGHAM, Wash. — Local punk house cat The Little Guy is reportedly furious at the return of house shows to the area and the loud,…
BOISE, Idaho — A man suffering from COVID-19 after refusing a vaccination drew ire from other patients by spreading his legs across two ICU beds,…
LOS ANGELES — Local man Peter Thurman is pretty certain nobody can tell he frequently uses his COVID mask as a cloth napkin for yet-to-be…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local venue Breezy Steve’s Beer Barn now requires attendees to show proof of showering before they enter the venue, according to sources…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local man Clay Horton briefly paused fellating a complete stranger at a glory hole in an area gay bar to inquire if…
CHICAGO — Local punk Jacob Brown found his net worth has skyrocketed now that drink tickets are redeemable again at reopened venues across the city,…