FRESNO, Calif. — Local sticker hook up Archie Sutherfield said he would love to talk to you about an incredible opportunity and deal that he…
BOSTON — Local landlord Viktor Lind used his precious time and resources to add a fresh coat of paint to a dead mouse in the…
For many guitar players, finding the perfect sound can feel more like a journey than a destination. You work hard saving up money to buy…
PORTLAND, Ore. — The local apartment complex Oakwood Estates is allegedly really liberal with their definition of the term “estates,” according to sources who took…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary metal band Goop has reunited after seven years apart to release a boring, flavorless craft beer dubbed “Goop Soup,” disappointed fans…
NEW YORK — Local two-timer Thomas McGibbons is looking forward to the end of quarantine after being stuck with his second and more annoying family…
NEW YORK — Dr. Mark Miller turned down a homemade mask today that could help protect him from COVID-19 after seeing that it featured album…
BETHESDA, Md. — Local woman Tabitha Wicksham is “not at all worried” about her husband sleeping with groupies during his cover band’s upcoming tour, citing…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Greenpoint-based shitty bookstore Books, Beanz n’ Beats Cafe is also known for being a shitty coffee shop and shitty record store, thanks…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Local stoner Zannah Meyers concluded that the weed she smoked this afternoon must be “extremely shitty,” after a near-hour of puffing resulted…
SAN FRANCISCO — A crudely made oil and watercolor painting on the wall of Revelry Coffee Roasters has a reported sale price of $750 fucking…
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Former crust punk Howie Benson searched in vain earlier today for a way to hide his old, shitty tattoos before a mandatory…
TACOMA, Wash. — Despite his rigorous touring schedule, guitarist Marcus Lorenez still finds time to be an “inconsiderate and neglectful” member of his household, according…
LOS ANGELES — Concertgoers at the Lovecraft Bar experienced complete, crushing disappointment late last night, when they heard potentially awesome metal band Evisceratops play a…
CARMEL, Ind. — Local band Flesh Smell, once deemed “the worst thing I have ever heard” by local promoter Jessica Weber, announced they’re now booked for the…