Justin Lentz
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OSLO, Norway — Local guitarist Evan “Blood Vacuum” Brulend upset his bandmates yesterday when a filtering mishap revealed his corpse…
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Stephen Bell
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NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. — A $1 billion small business loan was reportedly given to the famous Bluth Family Banana Stand…
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Courtney Baka
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ST. Paul, Minn. — A Skype call between local patient Aito Jeffers and his long-time therapist Dr. Thomas Bernard offered…
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ELGIN, Ill. — Local graphic designer Oliver Boone sat in his parked car for approximately 10 hours yesterday, catching up…
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CHICAGO — Levi Tanaka, bassist and lead vocalist of technical death metal band Rodeus, issued an apology today via Facebook…
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Jordan Breeding
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SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS — Professors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft admit they’re struggling with teaching students remotely via Zoom several months…
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Alec Stein
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WASHINGTON — The new viral bombshell “Plandemic” has revealed a simple, shocking truth: that all of your friends are dribbling,…
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Bobby Korec
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ST. LOUIS — Local punk band Dead Houseplants will play Locust Street’s Fubar in exchange for free exposure to COVID-19…
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SEATTLE — A new model from the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation at the University of Washington shows that…
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Nick Ortolani
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KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Margery Watson’s annual Mother’s Day breakfast-in-bed was obstructed by her unsightly ventilator due to complications from an…
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